Book Comment: The Narcissist Next Door

 

I am going to recommend to you a book which, for several reasons, you might never otherwise read. The book is The Narcissist Next Door by Jeffrey Kluger. The reasons that some might object to reading this book include: the book is entirely secular, the concept of narcissism is not widely understood, the author is not a Christian, and the book contains some profanities and shocking statements.

The Narcissist Next Door concerns how the psychological condition known as narcissism is present in every level of civilization, in our governments, in every institution, in every business, and even in our own families. It is a self-centered type of personality and occurs in varying degrees of severity worldwide. Symptoms of the disorder include a feeling of grandiosity, an excessive need for attention and admiration, and an impaired ability to be empathetic. It is considered to be a psychiatric condition known as narcissistic personality disorder. The cause of the condition cannot be definitively stated but there are numerous suggestions: childhood parental neglect, childhood emotional or physical abuse, the person may crave the feeling of control generated by being able to abuse others who are too weak-willed to oppose them, the person may have a combination of narcissism and sociopathy with a total lack of normal emotions, the person also could have been the family’s golden child who never learned how to hear the word no.

You probably don’t think that you know any narcissists, but you do. They are around you every day, on television, singing the songs you hear on your car’s radio, one of your co-workers, they may be your political leaders, they may be a family member (particularly distressing), they may even be in your church. They may even be one of your deacons or your pastor or your priest.

Kluger points out that, in order to deal with narcissism, you first have to understand what is actually is. He explains what the arrogant narcissist is actually feeling, and gives examples of the narcissists living around us, going so far as to name the names of real people who are obvious narcissists.

Some of Kluger’s chapters are The Bastard in the Corner Office, The Peacock in the Oval Office, The Schmuck in the Next Cubicle, The Beast in Your Bed, and Death Row and Hollywood: Where the Narcissists Won.

One particularly awful type is the spiritual narcissist. These people with narcissist tendencies seem to be in almost every church. These are the persons who are sure that they are correct and who want everyone else to know it. They come across as overbearing, judgemental, and power-hungry. They assume that they are holy and spiritually knowledgeable and that everyone else falls short. This is the sin of Self, I am special. Hear the words I AM, one of the names of God.

You should not just ignore these spiritual narcissists, because they can poison a church. You should also not just attack or lecture them but you should handle the situation in the spirit of Christ. Never become defensive or hostile towards them, because that can interfere with your good judgement. An excellent approach is not to become part of the power struggle by gossiping and buzzing about the problem but, instead, to bring up the subject with trusted church leaders. Protect yourself by putting on the spiritual armor which the Holy Spirit has provided to you, the whole armor of God: the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. 

1 Corinthians 7:15, 15:33; Luke 17:3-4; 1 Peter 4:8; Ephesians 3:14-19, 6:10-18.

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As with most books such as this, what you get from the book depends on what you bring with you. You may not agree with everything the author says. Luke (see below) advises you to think for yourself. Read your Bible and to listen to what it says. Do not believe anything just because someone else told to believe it; let the Holy Spirit guide you to the truth.

A general caution: books may give you wonderful new insights and explanations of subjects, but you should never base your Christian beliefs on any one book or the teachings of one person, no matter who they are. All teachings must be consistent with scripture. Read as the Bereans did, with discernment. “… for they received the word with great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see whether these things were so.” Acts 17:11 NASB

Any doctrines must be consistent with the historical full body of Christian thought. Doctrines or teachings inconsistent with scripture in any way must be rejected. You would not eat cheese which had a fuzzy fungus growing on it.

Information you will need to search for this book:

Kluger, Jeffrey, The Narcissist Next Door. Understanding the Monster in Your Family, in Your Office, in Your Bed – In Your World (New York: Riverhead Books, 2014)

What They Think of Us: The Christian Neurosis

Pierre Solignac  (born 1929, France) is a French psychiatrist who claimed that Christianity uses guilt in order to maintain control of its followers. He spoke of the “Christian Neurosis,” which he said meant that a Christian had to carry around a huge weight of neurotic guilt in order to be properly “humble” before God. It is sad to say that many Christians down through the ages have bought into this anti-Christian, non-Christian attitude. Solignac said that Christians believe in a God of conditional love (if we are “good” enough and “humble enough” He will accept us) who uses law and rules to keep us under control.  “L'éducation chrétienne repose essentiellement sur l'
angoisse et la peur, le manque de confiance en la nature humaine, le mépris du 
corps, ...” (Christian education is based primarily on the anxiety and fear, lack of trust in human nature, contempt of body ...)

No! No! No! No! No!

Our salvation is not based on following rules or being humble doormats or being good enough or knowing some secret doctrine hidden from the world.

“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9 (KJV)

“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” Romans 8:1

Do you realize what the Bible says about Christians? It does not say that we become perfect at the moment of our salvation. What it says is that there is no condemnation for us.  “No condemnation” means “found innocent with no penalty imposed.” As John tells us in 1 John 3:14, “We have passed from death to life.”

We have been declared innocent because we are covered by the shed Blood of the Lamb of God. Through the process of sanctification we are becoming like Jesus and when God looks at us He sees the Blood, He sees Jesus. Our guilt has been washed away.

The Apostle Paul understood that Christian innocence could be misunderstood and he adds a coda at Romans 6:1-2 to oppose the heresy of antinomianism. Antinomianism taught that since we are saved and are no longer under the condemnation of the Law we can do whatever we want without any penalty.

“What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?” Romans 6:1-2. (KJV)

Film Comment: Quid Pro Quo

     The film, Quid Pro Quo (200), is a really odd horror film.  There are no supernatural monsters, no demented slashers, no gore, no violence, no mad doctors, no evil conspiracies, no ancient secrets, no cannibalism, no curses, no out of control viruses, and no overarching quests for revenge.  More than anything, it's a horror film based on disturbed understandings of personal identity.

     The film is based on the actual mental disorder known as body-integrity identity disorder in which patients insist that "something is wrong" which can only be corrected by the removal of one of their body parts, usually a leg, hand or arm.  Some physicians believe that only the amputation seems to relieve the distress.  Patients refused the treatment have been known to take the "cure" into their own hands.  They say they feel wonderful after the unwanted body part is removed.

     Christians are specifically ordered not to cut or mark themselves as their bodies are owned by God and are His temple.

“Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I [am] the LORD.”  Leviticus 19:28

"Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and [that] the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which [temple] ye are.” 1 Corinthians 3:16-17

      I am aware that many psychiatrists consider body-integrity identity disorder to be an affective disorder which can not be helped by merely "trying" to resist it.  This line of thought places the disorder in the same category as transgenderism, cutting, obsessive-compulsive disorder, compulsive gambling, homosexuality, addiction to pornography, sociopathy, alcoholism, illegal drug use, etc.  The medical idea is that eventually an anatomical or physiological explanation will be found for each of these.

     Christians have known for centuries that the Holy Spirit will aid the believer in battling any or all of these personality disorders. 

^13"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God [is] faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear [it]." 1 Corinthians 10:13.

”I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, [which is] your reasonable service.  And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”  Romans 12:1-2.