I am going to recommend to you a book which, for several reasons,
you might never otherwise read. The book is The Narcissist Next Door by
Jeffrey Kluger. The reasons that some might object to reading this book
include: the book is entirely secular, the concept of narcissism is not widely
understood, the author is not a Christian, and the book contains some
profanities and shocking statements.
The Narcissist Next Door concerns how the
psychological condition known as narcissism is present in every level of
civilization, in our governments, in every institution, in every business, and
even in our own families. It is a self-centered type of personality and occurs
in varying degrees of severity worldwide. Symptoms of the disorder include a
feeling of grandiosity, an excessive need for attention and admiration, and an
impaired ability to be empathetic. It is considered to be a psychiatric
condition known as narcissistic personality disorder. The cause of the
condition cannot be definitively stated but there are numerous suggestions:
childhood parental neglect, childhood emotional or physical abuse, the person may
crave the feeling of control generated by being able to abuse others who are
too weak-willed to oppose them, the person may have a combination of narcissism
and sociopathy with a total lack of normal emotions, the person also could have
been the family’s golden child who never learned how to hear the word no.
You probably don’t think that you know any narcissists,
but you do. They are around you every day, on television, singing the
songs you hear on your car’s radio, one of your co-workers, they may be your
political leaders, they may be a family member (particularly distressing), they
may even be in your church. They may even be one of your deacons or your pastor
or your priest.
Kluger points out that, in order to deal with
narcissism, you first have to understand what is actually is. He explains what
the arrogant narcissist is actually feeling, and gives examples of the
narcissists living around us, going so far as to name the names of real people
who are obvious narcissists.
Some of Kluger’s chapters are The Bastard in the
Corner Office, The Peacock in the Oval Office, The Schmuck in the
Next Cubicle, The Beast in Your Bed, and Death Row and Hollywood:
Where the Narcissists Won.
One particularly awful type is the spiritual
narcissist. These people with narcissist tendencies seem to be in almost every
church. These are the persons who are sure that they are correct and who want
everyone else to know it. They come across as overbearing, judgemental, and
power-hungry. They assume that they are holy and spiritually knowledgeable and
that everyone else falls short. This is the sin of Self, I am special.
Hear the words I AM, one of the names of God.
You should not just ignore these spiritual narcissists,
because they can poison a church. You should also not just attack or lecture
them but you should handle the situation in the spirit of Christ. Never become
defensive or hostile towards them, because that can interfere with your good
judgement. An excellent approach is not to become part of the power struggle by
gossiping and buzzing about the problem but, instead, to bring up the subject
with trusted church leaders. Protect yourself by putting on the spiritual armor which
the Holy Spirit has provided to you, the whole armor of God: the belt of
truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of the gospel of peace, the
shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is
the Word of God.
1 Corinthians 7:15, 15:33; Luke
17:3-4; 1 Peter 4:8; Ephesians 3:14-19, 6:10-18.
___________________________________________________________________
As with most books such as this, what you get from the
book depends on what you bring with you. You may not agree with everything the
author says. Luke (see below) advises you to think for yourself. Read
your Bible and to listen to what it says. Do not believe
anything just because someone else told to believe it; let the Holy Spirit
guide you to the truth.
A general caution: books may give you wonderful new
insights and explanations of subjects, but you should never base your Christian
beliefs on any one book or the teachings of one person, no matter who they are.
All teachings must be consistent with scripture. Read as the Bereans did, with
discernment. “… for they received the word with great eagerness, examining the
Scriptures daily to see whether these things were so.” Acts
17:11 NASB
Any doctrines must be consistent with the historical
full body of Christian thought. Doctrines or teachings inconsistent with
scripture in any way must be rejected. You would not eat cheese which had a
fuzzy fungus growing on it.
Information you will need to search for this book:
Kluger, Jeffrey, The Narcissist Next Door.
Understanding the Monster in Your Family, in Your Office, in Your Bed – In Your
World (New York: Riverhead Books, 2014)
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