He Did It Again!

Well, he did it again, but this time very few people listened.  Pastor Harold Camping at Family Radio International declared that the world would end on 21 May 2011 .  It did not happen. 

After recalibration, Pastor Camping issued a new date: 21 October, 2011.  Well.

There have been hundreds of attempts to set the end time date (some dates in the future are 2012, 2016, 2034, 2047, and 2060) even though we are specifically instructed not to set dates!  Listen to what was said in 1844 after William Miller's failed predictions.  "The world made merry over the old Prophet's predicament. The taunts and jeers of the 'scoffers' were well-nigh unbearable."

The world already thinks we are silly and deluded. We do not need to give them any new ammunition for their attacks. We do not need to bring ridicule on the Church.

Church Bulletin and Pulpit Announcements, Part 5

I don't know if any of these are real or not. They are from those sheets we've all seen, passed around by hand from one person to the next. A sentence says, "These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services."

1. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
2. Year 8 pupils will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 4 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
3. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
4. THe Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

Church Bulletin and Pulpit Announcements, Part 4

I don't know if any of these are real or not. They are from those sheets we've all seen, passed around by hand from one person to the next. A sentence says, "These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services."

1. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
2. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
3. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
4. Ladies' Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
5. The vicar would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Church Bulletin and Pulpit Announcements, Part 3

I don't know if any of these are real or not. They are from those sheets we've all seen, passed around by hand from one person to the next. A sentence says, "These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services."

1. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
2. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
3. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceed will be used to cripple children.
4. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
5. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Church Bulletin and Pulpit Announcements, Part 2

I don't know if any of these are real or not. They are from those sheets we've all seen, passed around by hand from one person to the next. A sentence says, "These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services."

1. MIss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation."
2. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
3. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
4. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
5. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

Church Bulletin and Pulpit Announcements

I don't know if any of these are real or not. They are from those sheets we've all seen, passed around by hand from one person to the next. A sentence says, "These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services."

1. The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
2. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
3. Ladies, don't forget the jumble sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
4. Remember in prayer the many who are sick in our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
5. Don't let worry kil you off - let the Church help.

Holy Cow! Jesus is in My Screen Door!

In early December of 2009, Moses, a half-Jersey, half-Holstein, calf was born on Brad Davis' farm in Sterling, Connecticut. What is special about Moses that made the international news is that on his forehead is a patch of white hair in the shape of a cross. Some have already started with the predictable "maybe God is sending us a message from above." No one is sure what message God might be sending on the forehead of a cow. It's the wrong place anyway. As one sarcastic blogger opined, "... religious icons should only appear in cheese ... you can find that in the Bible."

In the film, Screen Door Jesus (2003), it's not a cow's head but the front screen door of Old Mother Harper, an old black woman in a small Texas town. On the screen some, but not all, see the smiling face of Jesus. the entire population of the town and then the outside press show up in Mother Harper's front yard and start taking sides. So many people come, tramping her flowers and leaving trash, that Mother Harper gets righteously annoyed.

It seems that Jesus (or sometimes Mary) appears everywhere: on billboards, in pictures of spaghetti, in water stains, in the shape of a deformed Cheeto, etc. and that pathetic people, desperate for a proof of what they want to believe, rush to worship the holy item. Jesus told us that we don't need that.

"Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed." John 20:29.

Rushing to fawn over a piece of cheese or a Jesus shaped mushroom brings ridicule to the Church. They already think we're crazy and then we go and prove it.