The Voice of God

Today, I went to The Waffle House, a local restaurant, to get takeout breakfast for myself and my wife. When I got home, my wife was still in bed so I called her name and said "Get up!"

Out of a deep sleep, she suddenly shot straight up and looked around the room, breathing heavily. Then she laughed.

"I was dead asleep, " she explained. "I thought it was the Lord calling me home!"

One day we will all hear the Lord's voice, some to their great delight, others not so much.

Just Under the Surface

While in line at the grocery store I noticed the text on the tee shirt worn by the man standing behind me. He was grumbling about the current shortages of some items on grocery store shelves. I suppose that he thought his tee shirt was witty or funny but it may have spoken more than he meant to express. The text was


                                DON'T MAKE ME VIOLATE MY PAROLE! 


The message is a subtle threat. He is expressing that "I am angry and seething inside and if you irritate me in any way I may respond with physical violence." Any police officer can tell you that there are many people like this. I suspect that the numbers of these sociopathic people would horrify you. We live in a fallen lost world.

(For those who may not know, parole is the early release of persons from criminal incarceration based on their good behavior while incarcerated.)

Peanuts

I do not know the source of this story. Those viewing this in translation may wish to read the synopsis below because this story will probably not translate well.
____________________________________________________________________________
The new preacher in town had for several days been visiting all the church's elderly members and especially those who were "shut-ins" in poor health. Blanche was the last person on his list.

Blanche was a kind old lady who had long ago lost all her teeth. She absolutely refused to get dentures and therefore had the sunken lips look of a very old person with no teeth. Her speech was affected by her lack of teeth. She was delighted to see the preacher.

"Oh, preachah! I'm tho happy to thee you!"

"Blanche, I'm glad I could come by."

The two sat on the couch and talked about the church and Blanche's health until the phone rang.

"O, preachah,  I gotta go get that. Ith probably Hortenth.  The callth me every day about thith time. I'll be back ath thoon ath I can."

"OK, Blanche. I'm not going anywhere."

 The phone call seemed to drag on and on and the preacher felt a rumbling in his stomach. He saw a bowl of peanuts on the end table and knowing that Blanche would not mind, took a small handful. Then another handful. Then another. Suddenly, to his dismay, he realized that he had consumed the entire bowl of peanuts.

When Blanche came back into the room, the preacher apologized profusely, but Blanche was not concerned.

"Oh preachah, thath OK! I done thucked all the chocolate off of 'em anyway!"

________________________________________________________________________________
This is a joke story: A new preacher visits an elderly church member and in her brief absence to answer a phone call eats all the peanuts from a bowl on a table. When the preacher apologizes for having eaten all the woman's peanuts she tells him not to be concerned because she had already sucked all the chocolate off the peanuts.

Cat chases it's tail.

Cat chases it’s tail.

Jesus laughs as Zebedee

yells and shakes his hands


Boanerges is an Aramaic word meaning "sons of thunder."  Jesus gave this nickname to his disciples James and John. The term is never explained further and has engendered many attempts at interpretation.

The Bible says that Jesus knew the hearts of men (John 2: 24-25) and some commentators believe that Jesus gave the nickname to the men in reference to the two brother's loud and hot-headed nature as shown in Luke 9:54.  This may well be the correct interpretation, but there are others.

Dr. James Blevins, my Greek professor at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, believed that the meaning of the phrase laid in "thunder" rather than "sons." The nickname was humorous. He envisioned Zebedee as red-faced and spitting and bubbling as his sons tossed away their fishing nets and followed Jesus.

Dude With a Limp

Michael Jr. tells you that he is a stand-up comedian. His jokes and stories have people rolling in the aisles. Then, he pulls out the Sword of the Lord and thrusts. This is a man of God. This is an evangelist.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tX1_5DzWNxw

Junior, the French Bulldog Joins In

Junior, a French Bulldog, joins in as his owners sing along with the Josh Groban song, “You Raise Me Up.” The two men in the video are Emanuele Tiburzio and Walter Ledenmueller, who live in Köln, Germany.

Josh Groban, who has never publicly declared his current religious status , was raised as an Epicopalian.  His father converted from Judaism in order to marry Josh’s mother.  Groban has a large Christian following because of the inspirational nature of his songs and has sold over 20,000,000 albums in the last ten years.

The Prime Minister of Humor

Grady Nutt, an ordained Southern Baptist minister, was professionally known as The Prime Minister of Humor.  He appeared weekly on the country music and comedy based television series, Hee Haw. His hilarious church-related comedy was based on the culture of the southern region of the United States. His appearances at churches and religious events always led to a sermon based on the jokes with which he began his talk.

Grady Nutt died in an small airplane crash.

http://www.the-cartoonist.com/Nutt/Nutt.html

http://www.gradynutt.com/about.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6w-HkQrxgQ

But I Don't Want to Go!

I am posting this video simply because I can.  Bella is swimming and enjoying it very much until it is time to go home.

http://theilovedogssite.com/gone-viral-dog-throws-hissy-fit-when-told-its-time-to-stop-swimming/

Does this look and sound familiar?

What They Think of Us: The Success of United States Soccer Goalie Tim Howard Spawns Jesus Jokes

Tim Tebow found out what happens when a celebrity is open about their faith.

United States Soccer goalie Tim Howard gave the world a brilliant performance versus Belgium in the World Cup round of 16, making a record sixteen saves on some point-blank close-in shots. He has openly declared his allegiance to Jesus and has dedicated his play to Jesus’ glory. Soon afterwards, people began calling him “Bald Jesus” for his numerous saves.  Then the jokes started appearing.

http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/29syvs/whats_the_difference_between_tim_howard_and_jesus/

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/worldcup2014/article-2677575/Tim-Howard-virals-The-best-internet-pictures-praising-USA-goalkeepers-great-display-against-Belgium.html

http://theodysseyonline.com/charleston/tim%20howard-%20more%20saves%20than%20jesus%20christ/60993

You Will Be Unable to Keep a Straight Face

Everyone has at times been fidgity or sleepy or distracted at church.  Mr. Bean just takes it to extremes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bh__g-ZZ6WA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01-ndBVwf3U

Another Light Bulb Joke: Hebrew Prophets

One.
How many Hebrew prophets does it take to change a light bulb?

Another light Bulb Joke: Fatalists

How many fatalists does it take to change a light bulb?
What's the point?  What difference does it make?

Another Light Bulb Joke: Thanalogists

How many Thanatologists does it take to change a light bulb?
They would not change it because thanatologists prefer dead bulbs.

Another Light Bulb Joke: Scientologists

How many Scientologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A pre-clear and an auditor need at least six auditing sessions.

You Will Laugh

You will laugh.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxUulGkLu4I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZH0sNsaAz4&feature=fvwp&NR=1

http://www.neatorama.com/2010/02/15/laughing-quads-turn-ten-tomorrow/

http://www.mathiasquads.org/

“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.”  Proverbs 17:22

What They Think of Us: Emo Philips

Emo Philips is a standup comedian whose comedy persona is that of an idiot savant.  He seems to be rambling and speaking nonsense and then suddenly he thrusts in his knife blade.  I do not know his religious affiliation, if any.  Here are two of his acid comments on Christians.

http://www.emophilips.com/video/video/140

With Italian subtitles:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRLPr5biDhs

http://www.religiouscriticism.com/christianity/emo-philips/

Blogger Rankings of Saints on the Loose

In each Blogger users profile is a list of the writer's interests.  Those who post about these interests are ranked by the number of their posts.  Here are the Blogger Post rankings for Saints on the Loose! and the number of persons who have listed each interest.

genealogy: #1 of 64,700
baseball: #1 of 51,500
Christianity: #1 of 42,700
grandchildren: #1 of 8700
grace: #1 of 1000
biography: #1 of 603
inventions: #1 of 579
doctrine: #1 of 134
Baptist: #1 of 128
Trinity: #1 of 98
competitive sports: #1 of 89
medical technology: #1 of 87
hematology: #1 of 35
literary agents: #1 of 32
Christian blogs: #1 of 10
Evangelical theology:  #1 of 7
Christian writers: #1 of 4
Christian Publishing: #1 of 1
films: #2 of 238,000
theology: #2 of 42,100
football: #3 of 210,000
religion: #3 of 103,000
comedy: #3 of 31,300
science fiction: #4 of 49,600
philosophy: #5 of 402,000
sport: #5 of 221,000
humor: #5 of 112,000
history: #10 of 246,000
art: not in top 10
books: not in top 10
writing: not in top 10

Baptists and Pre-Marital Sex

Why do Baptists oppose pre-marital sex?
They fear it might lead to drinking and dancing.

The Senility Prayer

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
 The courage to change the things I can,
 And wisdom to know the difference.”

The first known appearance of this short prayer is in a 1943 sermon by the American Christian theologian Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971).  It is popularly known as the Serenity Prayer.

Recently, I found a copy of a parody of the Serenity Prayer called the Senility Prayer.  As an aging person myself, I found the prayer to be amusing.  I am aware that it is not a Christian prayer.

“Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.” 

What They Think of Us: Jesus Parodies

Apparently They Think This is Funny

Jesus Walks on Water Prank

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgGmedc-AEM&NR=1&feature=fvwp

Jesus Turns Water into Wine

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgrSyokK6H0

Jesus Levitation

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4q6Zx5n9Jw

Jesus Carries the Cross

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40mPaWqffSc